spring come quickly
Friday, April 04, 2008Labels: deep thoughts
"Spring is when life's alive in everything." -Christina Rossetti
thought
Friday, February 29, 2008The Cadbury Creme Egg is a wonderful, quick way to get an extra 150 calories. Labels: deep thoughts
quote of the day
Wednesday, September 19, 2007Labels: deep thoughts
"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible,
then they seem improbable,
and then when we summon the will,
they soon become inevitable".
-Christopher Reeve
that kind of day
Wednesday, July 25, 2007Labels: deep thoughts
"Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit. A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world." -Ada Louise Huxtable
quote for the day
Wednesday, June 06, 2007Labels: deep thoughts
"As long as anyone believes that his ideal and purpose is outside him, that it is above the clouds, in the past or in the future, he will go outside himself and seek fulfillment where it cannot be found. He will look for solutions and answers at every point except where they can be found--in himself." -Erich Frohm
live simply
Wednesday, March 28, 2007"If you have two coats, give one away," he said. "Do the same with your food." -Luke 3:11 (The Message) Labels: apartment living, deep thoughts, moolah
I recently came across this photoset on Flickr. This young couple and their daughter sold their affordable house to move into an apartment. They went from 1667 square feet to 382, simply to pay off their student loans. It made me think that maybe Josh and I could stay in our apartment for a little longer to try to pay off our student loans more quickly. It's hard because I'm so ready to have a place of our own but I love the idea of having the loans paid off.
I've just been thinking a lot about our spending habits. I think we do pretty well. I mean, we don't spend money we don't have (usually) and we don't go on huge shopping sprees. I do know that we could save more than we do. Sometimes I feel like we just spend money on stupid things. It's especially hard because we're trying to figure out how to swing buying a Nikon D200 which would be a good investment for Knight Light. What's considered a good investment for Knight Light can be hard on the checkbook for Josh and Kimberly... It's really hard to find a balance and it's even more difficult when you're starting a business and need a lot of things in the beginning.
Josh and I are having a garage sale in May at my parent's. I really am excited about purging and maybe making a little bit of cash. We've been through our closets a few times but I'm definitely going to go through them again. Sometimes I feel like we have so much STUFF. Things that we don't really need but we keep "just in case". Maybe it's time to go through things, live simply, figure out how to pay off our student loans sooner...change.
abstract thoughts
Tuesday, March 06, 2007Labels: deep thoughts
Sometimes I feel trapped and there's not a thing I can do about it. I could try to jump over the gate trapping me in but I can't jump that high. I could try to convince someone else to let me out but others can't do that for me. So I'm trapped...and instead of enjoying what room I do have, I sit at the gate trying to get out. I worry so much about getting out that I forget to live in the present.
change
Wednesday, February 28, 2007When I was a little kid, I would help my mom rearrange our living room all the time. We would move chairs around and sit on the couch that had been pushed into the middle of the room. My mom would suggest an arrangement and I would very seriously consider it. My friends used to always say, "Every time I come over the furniture is different". That's just how we roll. We like change. Labels: deep thoughts, knight light
Having this blog has been great because I can change the colors and layout whenever I want. It satisfies my need to "rearrange". Lately I've been thinking about redesigning Knight Light's site. I have ideas and have sketched them out (see my first sketch below). Now I just need to figure out how to purchase Adobe Flash and then learn to use it. Minor details.
the truth of the matter
Monday, January 22, 2007Labels: about me, deep thoughts
Some of you may have noticed that I've been a little half-hearted on my blog. It has bothered me to just do filler posts but I haven't wanted to talk about the truth.
The truth is that a lot has been going on in my life. Josh is searching for a job which is frustrating for both of us. We are getting so anxious to get out of our crappy apartment. Everyday I see something that makes me think how much I hate it. I've also been overwhelmed with work stuff. And right after Christmas we found out that Josh's younger sister is getting married in March and having a baby in July. It came as quite a shock to the entire family although things have settled down quite a bit. As ridiculous as it sounds, it has been hard to handle that yet another person is pregnant. I now personally know ELEVEN pregnant women. It sucks to feel like you're ready but the time isn't right.
Somewhere in the midst of all of this, I stopped being able to handle things.
I went from feeling a little down to crying every day and having the occasional emotional breakdown (what I think of as sob fests). At first I thought that maybe my thyroid wasn't working properly again but I don't have all of my old symptoms. I do however, have all of these symptoms...general anxiety disorder.
I tried everything I could from counting my blessings (which are immeasurable) to focusing on the good. I tried eating junk food, exercising, watching goofy movies... No matter how hard I tried nothing seemed to help. I go through periods during the day where I feel fine like my happy old self. Suddenly out of nowhere I start feeling overwhelmed by something...unable to handle what is going on.
I went to the doctor last Friday and saw the nurse practitioner. She was so understanding. She was patient as I tried to talk about what I was feeling and of course, I cried. The hardest part is describing it. I've never been the type of person that couldn't handle stress. Sure, I'd go through down times but eventually I could let it go. Lately I can't let it go. I will suddenly feel a terrible hopelessness even though deep inside I know things will eventually work out. It's almost like a battle inside me. I finally felt some relief when I talked to the nurse practitioner. She wanted to help me. I now have a prescription to Xanax to take when I need it. I'm hoping that it will do the trick and help me get through this rough patch.
Josh has been such a trooper. He's a fix-it type of guy so it's been so hard for him to not be able to "fix me". I'm not really sure what I would do without him and my family. They've been so supportive. I know it's hard for them (especially my mom) to see me so upset about things. I've put them through so much and they were just right there with me. While I was writing this entry I stopped to ask Josh if he thought it was okay to post. He said that he thought it would be really good for me. I said, "You don't care if people think your wife is crazy?" He responded with a smirk, "Well...if the shoe fits." Gosh, I love that man. He really does get me through most days.
I'm not really sure why it's hard for people to talk about anxiety and depression. It is estimated that one in four adults suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder. I thought long and hard about writing about this. I mean, I don't really know who will read it. But my good friend Pam has given me courage to talk about this because she has been so honest about dealing with depression. By talking about things like this, we can learn to help each other. Maybe someone will read this and have the courage to talk to their doctor (which believe me, is not easy).
So there is it... Wow, I did really just lay it out there. But I consider you my friends and right now I need some support from my friends. So thanks in advance for listening...
forever
Thursday, January 18, 2007Labels: deep thoughts
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
- Mahatma Gandhi
alone
Monday, January 08, 2007Labels: about me, deep thoughts
Yesterday I went shopping by myself. Josh had to work all day so instead of sitting around doing nothing like I did the day before, I thought I would make use of my Sunday. I always think that I'll like shopping by myself but I never do. I don't know how many times I wanted to turn to my left and ask Josh what he thought of something.
I always wanted to be one of those people who could go out to eat by themselves or go see a movie alone. I admired them because they didn't need somebody else to go with them. I can remember trying to convince myself to go see a movie alone. I just never got up the courage to do it.
I ate supper by myself last night since Josh was still at work. I sat at the kitchen table and realized that I hate eating by myself too. I worried for a minute that I couldn't be alone. Then I came to the realization that I just like talking that much.
new calendars
Tuesday, January 02, 2007Labels: deep thoughts, everything else
One of my favorite things about the start of a new year is new calendars. This year in the kitchen we are using a Kraft Foods calendar we received free with our Kraft Foods magazine. Every month has a new recipe. Josh and I made a pact yesterday morning to do each recipe sometime during that month. January is a beef stew recipe so I'm looking forward to it.
There's something so exciting about a new calendar. It's blank empty days calling out to be filled up. Who knows what this year will bring...I'm hoping for a house but other than that I'm looking forward to the surprises ahead. Happy 2007, friends. May your year be filled with many wonderful things.
journaling
Tuesday, November 21, 2006Labels: about me, deep thoughts
That right there is three years worth of journaling. I started when I was a Sophomore in college and journaled practically everyday through my Senior year. Whoa. I still can't believe that I was able to stick with it. I can remember starting diaries as a kid but I could never keep it up.
I pulled these journals out the other night while I was cleaning out our closet. I really thought that I was going to "dispose" of them. I started flipping through one of them. I opened to when I had written about walking in my college graduation ceremony. It made me laugh to read through some of the entries on my final days of school and our last hurrahs. I got a little choked up when I read my entry about moving out of the house I shared with my two friends, Jess and Sheri.
When I was in college I made Jess swear to me that if anything should happen to me, she would destroy my journals. I was kind of set on getting rid of them the other night. But after flipping through some of the books I decided that I just can't do it yet. Sure there are embarrassing parts but there is also a couple entries about Josh (right before I stopped writing). After a few months of dating I had written: "I think I'm going to marry Josh. Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just wrote that out". Ha. I can remember thinking that.
Sometimes it's nice to see where you've come from to really appreciate where you're at now.
today is random
Friday, November 10, 2006- Made the switch to blogger beta yesterday. Now my goal is to add labels to all of my entries. Added a Bebo tag...good grief, I write about my dog a lot. (Also, I switched my template today and not all of the pages changed with it. Still working out the kinks...) Labels: coffee talk, deep thoughts, randomness
- I got Coffeemate Pumpkin Spice creamer. It is yummy! I'm definitely enjoying my coffee this morning.
- Josh and I are going to Champaign tonight to hang out with Pam and Chris. Josh asked last night if we should take the PS2. Uh, no. I told him not to scare them off...we like them!
- Tomorrow I'm shooting Kate's 3-month pictures. I'm wishing I had a studio.
- My in-laws are in Costa Rica right now on a missions trip. It reminds me of when I went on my missions trip. (Which I don't think I've ever written about...I'll have to do that.)
- This week I sold 7 scarves and made a hundred bucks from them. That was pretty exciting.
- Last night I watched some NFL recap show with Josh. I had planned on going to bed but instead got into the show. They did a bit about one of my fantasy players, Roy Williams. I like him even more now. After the show, I pointed out to Josh that I had just stayed up to watch that show with him. He said, "Yeah, I noticed and was confused." Just keepin' it interesting, folks.
- I haven't bought a new purse/bag in awhile. I started feeling the pull again this week. I'm thinking about asking my mother-in-law if I can borrow a purse for awhile. It would be new to me and it's not like she'd miss one. She has BOXES of purses in the attic. We're talking Coach, Burberry...a bunch of other names that don't mean anything to me. It would be like Christmas.
- Speaking of Christmas, I'm really ready to start shopping. It's not as much fun though when you know you have to stick to a strict budget.
- I really hate the word verification thing on blogger posting (in beta) and commenting. I always mess them up and have to do it again.
forming my opinion
Wednesday, November 08, 2006Labels: about me, coffee talk, deep thoughts
Although I'm not what I would call a timid person, I have always been very careful about not offending someone else. I often worried that what I would say would be taken the wrong way. Because of this, I usually did not voice my opinion. (At least when it came to bigger issues, especially political...) I also have never been sure enough of myself to really stand up for certain things.
The past few years though I have slowly been finding my voice and figuring out my opinion. It all started because my strong opinion about an issue was completely reversed. This started a snowball effect. I started researching that particular issue more and developing my own opinion about it, not just what I had always believed. I began doing this about other political and non-political issues.
I now have actual opinions about certain issues. If someone asked me, I can tell them. Of course I don't have everything figured out so I'm still remaining open-minded and soaking in as much information as I can. It's exciting though to see how I've grown.
windows
Tuesday, November 07, 2006At the risk of sounding creepy, I'm going to tell you that I love looking in people's windows at night. Okay, that doesn't sound right. What I mean is that I love when people leave their curtains open in the evening and you get a quick glimpse of their life as you drive past. There is something so warm and inviting about open curtains. Labels: about me, deep thoughts
I can remember being at a co-worker's house a couple of years ago. Her and her husband had built this amazing house with basically a wall of windows. I asked her if they were going to get shades for them or something to cover them. She thought for a minute and said that she didn't think she would. She said, "I don't mind knowing that people can see in as they drive down the road. It's comforting and homey."
Maybe you think this is all very weird but I love driving down the street and catching a peek into someone's life. It makes me feel more connected.
the waiting
Tuesday, October 10, 2006Labels: about me, deep thoughts, family matters
Hospitals are a weird place to be or rather, waiting rooms are a weird place to be. I spent my morning in a hospital yesterday and most of it in a waiting room. Sitting in the waiting room I looked around at the other people. They were all there while a loved one was back in surgery. I didn't know them, they didn't know me but it we had something in common. People we had probably never met were performing surgery on our family members or friends. It's a scary thing to be there and to really not know what was going on. Just having faith...trusting that everything was going fine.
My mom's procedure took longer than expected. The last half an hour was pure torture. You can only look at the clock so many times. My dad paced or looked over the balcony. When we were told to go in a small conference room to see her doctor after the surgery I almost lost it. Panic set in and I tapped my foot faster. Apparently that is just protocol and the doctor informed us she did great. Relief set in and I was even able to walk through the hospital's gift shop.
Last night she was already home on the couch looking remarkably perky. Her little voice is still scratchy from the intubation tube and she's weak but she wasn't short on smiles or a laugh.
I think the worse part yesterday was letting the nurses wheel her back. She was half asleep by then but I just wanted to cry and stay with her. Why couldn't I just be right outside the door to make sure everything was going okay? When I finally got to see her again in the recovery room she looked smaller than normal all curled up on the cot. When she told me in a tiny hoarse voice that she just wanted to go home, I wanted to scoop her up and carry her home. The funny thing is that I felt like I could scoop her up and carry her out of that hospital.
Hospitals are a weird place. I'm thankful that everything went well and thankful that there are people like those doctors and nurses who can take care of special people like my little momma.
remembering
Monday, September 11, 2006Labels: deep thoughts
We know what today is. I'm not going to write about it because it's already been said and probably better than what I would do. Just remember...
that baby fever thing
Monday, August 07, 2006Labels: deep thoughts, knight light
Kate, August 6, 2006 (More pictures from the baby photo shoot on flickr.)
Everyone that knows me knows I'm ready to have kids. I have since I was probably 20. I mean, look...I'm a natural. I talked about it last fall but I typically tend to avoid the subject on here. I guess when you talk about it, it makes it worse.
Last week when Josh and I went to visit Kate in the hospital, our baby fever was at an all time high. We spent the next four days talking about Baby Kate and when we were going to see her again. We talked about our own kids and what we'll name them. We even started looking at baby stuff online. (Did you know there are about a billion parenting tips blogs? You can bet those are bookmarked for the future.)
Friday night Josh and I took supper over to Missy and Eric. We fought over who got to hold Kate first, took some pictures of her, oohed and ahhed... I expected to leave sad because we don't have a baby yet. Instead I left feeling slightly relieved. For the first time, I felt like maybe it really isn't our time yet. You could tell that Missy and Eric were simply elated but holy cow, exhausted and overwhelmed. Your life totally changes and for once I think I really grasped that.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still completely excited and anxious for Josh and I to start our own family. But I feel a little more patient (shocker, I know). I really just want things to be in order before we start trying. I want a house and to just feel completely ready.
I am so excited that I get to be aunt and get my baby fix whenever I want. I can't wait until Missy and Eric are ready to go out for the evening and we can babysit. I can't wait until Kate starts sitting up and doing fun baby things. I can't wait to watch her grow up and learn. For now, that's enough for me. While our baby fever last week was at Severe, I would say it's now only at an Elevated level. And I can live with that...
something
Thursday, June 15, 2006So I have some pretty great friends. After my post yesterday I got emails that were so encouraging and caring. They reminded me of how lucky I am to have an awesome husband, great friends and family... Labels: about me, deep thoughts, the one with friends
Basically today I've been telling myself to snap out of it. I'm so blessed. So I need to get off my mopey ass (sorry Ma) and do something.
But what is that something???
It will be green again
Tuesday, February 28, 2006Labels: deep thoughts
That is a picture of the grass in my back yard. Pretty gross, huh? For some reason I think it's kind of pretty. I guess just knowing that in another month or so that dead, brown grass is going to come alive again. It will turn bright green and soft. Something about that makes me really like this picture.
Sometimes if I'm feeling negative I will look at something and think that it's never going to get better. You know what, though? It usually does...and usually faster than I realize. So looking at this picture reminds me of that. Things may be brown and "dead" now but before we know it they'll be alive, growing and green.
"We don't see things as they are. We see them as we are." -Anais Nin
Thought for the day
Friday, December 30, 2005Labels: deep thoughts
"Happiness comes from spiritual wealth, not material wealth... Happiness comes from giving, not getting. If we try hard to bring happiness to others, we cannot stop it from coming to us also. To get joy, we must give it, and to keep joy, we must scatter it..." -John Templeton
Churches cancelling on Christmas
Thursday, December 22, 2005So have you heard about the churches that are cancelling church Sunday? I'm so completely blown away by this. Some mega-churches are doing this to allow their staff a day with families. Orchard Hill out of Pittsburgh is one of those churches. [source] Apparently it takes 150 people to stage their service. I guess maybe here's a reason that yes, they did get too big. A church in Normal is cancelling church on Sunday as well. There website says: "There will be no services...so that families can spend this Christ-filled holiday together." So families can spend this holiday together??? What? Labels: christmas cheer, deep thoughts
Christ-filled holiday...You would think that on a Christ-filled holiday, you'd want to go to church. I guess it doesn't bother me if people skip church on Sunday, that's no big deal. But I don't feel that the churches should cancel service. I feel like it's just the church becoming more seculiar. Really, church is not supposed to be "convenient".
Of course, it makes Christmas day different than usual and the traditions may get moved around a bit. (I know I'm a little bummed that I can't stay in my pajamas until lunch time.) However, I think it's going to be neat to get up Christmas morning with my parents, my brother and his girlfriend, and Josh to go to church.
Open the mind
Wednesday, November 09, 2005Josh and I got into a discussion last night about close-minded people. There is a guy in one of Josh's classes that just HAS to be right. Yesterday they spent the whole class time arguing with this guy because he was just so adamant that he was correct. People like that drive me crazy. I don't get mad very easily and someone really has to do something bad to piss me off, but I get very easily annoyed by know-it-alls. Maybe it's because I could never be like that. I am just never so sure of myself... Labels: deep thoughts
I asked Josh what he thought made close-minded people so adamant that they're right. His reply? "Sunday School." The funny thing is that there's probably some truth to that. As a child you're so incredibly impressionable. You look up to adults, especially "smart" ones like Sunday School teachers. Concepts are drilled into you. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Sunday School but I think most do not help kids think for themselves. I know a lot of people that have grown up thinking a certain way and are just sure that it's the correct way. They won't even entertain the thought for a second that maybe they're wrong. Now well into their twenties, they still have never thought about the theology of some issues...just assumed that Mom, Dad, and their Sunday School teacher were right.
I guess lately I have just really been trying to have an open mind. How could I be so bold to say that I understand everything about God or that my interpretation is the correct one? Basically that's all it is...someone's interpretation. As I grew up, people left their imprints by teaching me their interpretation of concepts...now, it's up to me to decide for myself. And that's what I've been trying to do...
Silence
Thursday, October 27, 2005Josh and I helped with youth group last night. My group was so big that we split it into two groups and I still had 12 girls. The Nooma video was about silence. Rob Bell talked about how we're constantly surrounded by noise that it's hard to hear God. About five minutes into the video the screen went completely black and just questions came up. Imagine sitting in a large gym with 70 high schoolers in COMPLETE silence. Almost eerie. For ten minutes we sat like that, reading the questions on the screen. I know it convicted me. My favorite line was, "Do you think that your voice is more interesting than God's?" Whoa, that's heavy. Labels: deep thoughts
So many times I talk to people about problems I'm having, but do I take time to be silent and listen to what God has to say? Probably not. Who knows what He wants to tell me and I'm just not listening...
The Path
Tuesday, October 25, 2005Labels: deep thoughts
"Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb." -Sir Winston Churchill
Kill Them with Kindness
Thursday, October 20, 2005"C'mon people now Labels: deep thoughts
Smile on your brother
Ev'rybody get together
Try to love one another right now"
-Youngbloods
When I was younger and someone was being mean to me, my mom used to tell me to "Kill them with kindness". I always struggled with that one but I would do it because my mom knew/knows EVERYTHING. Sometimes they would let up, other times not...but I think I came out the bigger person.
While living in the dorm during college I ran across quite a few unpleasant people. My freshman year there was this annoying blond girl that lived down the hall from me. (Jess, do you remember her?) She had curly short hair and wore next to nothing on a regular basis and always glared at me. I didn't even try to talk to her but I have to wonder what would have happened if I did. I always would smile at her although in my head I was thinking bad words. It's people like that that would make me want to forget the "kill them with kindness" routine and just be mean back.
Of course I didn't. My Junior year at school was my last year in the dorm and there was a doozy of a girl living down the hall. A good 6 inches taller than me and twice my weight, she was . . . well let's say, intimidating. Candice. One day I decided that it was stupid to be intimated so I started saying hi when she walked past my room. The look on her face was priceless that first time. She was shocked and annoyed, I'm sure. I think she was used to be feared. I kept at it even though I was tempted to stop on more than one occasion. Then right before Christmas break I was packing up my stuff to go home. Candice stuck her head in the door and said, "Have a good break." I about fell off my bed. Slowly but surely she started talking to me more and by the end of the year she was actually friendly!
I think really that all everyone needs is someone to make an effort with them. Smile at those unpleasant people.
Check out this. Suggestions for Random Acts of Kindness.
Something I don't get
Friday, October 07, 2005Why is it that an empty church is so scary? I was at mine last night to print the weekly bulletin. For awhile my pastor was in his office but as soon as he left I was completely alone in the building. I totally had to concentrate on other things because I would have freaked myself out. Now that just doesn't make sense to me! Shouldn't a church be the most safe place? Labels: deep thoughts
When I was younger my mom used to be in charge of the church library. In the evenings we would go out to the empty church to put out new books or sort the old ones. I can remember running down the corridor with her, giggling so hard because we had scared ourselves.
I'm sure it's probably the fact that someone could be hiding in a million different places (I know, I used to play sardines there). But I have so many happy memories in this church, especially now that Josh and I were married there.
As I finished up last night I could hear strange noises from probably some of the kitchen equipment...I hurried through the foyer to the door but had to stop. Just three months ago I was standing there in my wedding dress waiting to get married. I smiled and took a moment to remember the day. I snapped back quickly when I heard some other imaginary noise and quickly got out to my car.
Such a strange combination of feelings...
Are you on a 2AM list?
Monday, September 26, 2005Yesterday at church my pastor had a really good sermon entitled "Being a Best Friend". I took lots of notes so I thought I would share them here. I guess my philosophy is that everyone can be a better friend. Labels: deep thoughts, the one with friends
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. "
Why are so many people lonely? Why do we have so few close friends? Some reasons: being a friend means sacrificing, taking risks, using energy. We don't open ourselves up because of FEAR or the hectic pace of our life.
But..."When we are a friend to someone, we are being a friend to Jesus." *Whoa, when Jack said this, it really got me thinking!
How to be a friend and why:
1. Be their support and strength. If you do that for others, they will do it for you. To do this though, you must know the needs of others which means building trust. How can you support your friend without knowing their burdens? So many times we get so involved in our own lives and our own storms that we forget to ask our friends about their burdens. It's a good reminder to listen more than we speak!
2. Help a friend when they fall.
3. People need friends during the "cold" times.
4. Defend and stand up for your friends! To do this, you should make a verbal commitment to your friend. Say, "I will stand up for you". And then don't wait to be asked for help. Most people will not ask for it but do actually want it.
We are reminded of the people Jesus befriended...the lepers, the prostitutes. How many times do we avoid socially outcasted people because it makes us uncomfortable? How many times do we avoid situation with our own friends just because it take energy? Living in a cocoon will not help us or make things easier. Instead we will have a more difficult life because we don't have the friend to pick us up in return.
I pride myself on being a good friend and sometimes get frustrated because I feel like I'm the only one making an effort. This sermon was just a good reminder for me to keep up the effort and that I could even do more. It's good to ask yourself: "Am I a good friend? Are there people that would call me if they needed to talk at 2:00am? Do people trust me enough to know that I'll be there for them?"
Listen twice as much as you speak
Thursday, September 15, 2005Josh and I helped with the first Youth Group Coffeehouse last night. The layout is that we watch a 15 minute video from the series by Rob Bell called Nooma. Then we break into small groups to discuss and then there's a coffeehouse. The video last night was about basically going to church out of duty which I think pretty much everyone is guilty of at one time or another. Labels: deep thoughts
Here are some things that Rob Bell said that I jotted down:
-Many people confuse religion with God and walk away from them both.
-Are we just "going through the motions"?
-Why do we do [go to church] what we do? Guilt, to make someone happy?
-What happens when we give from the heart or attend church from the heart?
My group was 9 sophomore girls. There was only one freshmen girl so the freshmen leader and her came into our group. And then a lady, Susan, that has been my spiritual role model since I was 14 came into the group as well. I was nervous because then there were three leaders, who would lead? Well I guess I'm a take charge kind of person and technically it was my group so I started. I told them my name and a little bit about me and then something weird about me (my hate of squirrels which they thought was pretty funny). I had them all go around and tell me their name and something weird about themselves. It definitely broke the ice. (I also learned that if you're in a situation where there is an awkward silence and the ice needs to get broken, you should say "Fat Penguin".)
We didn't stick super close to the discussion questions but we talked a lot about going to church when you feel like it's boring and don't think it applies to you. I said that no matter what kind of service it is and even if you think it completely has nothing to do with you, there is ALWAYS something you can get out of it if we actually listen. Susan reminded us that we have two ears and only one mouth so we should listen twice as much as we speak. Ah, yes...wise woman. I challenged them to find that one thing that God is trying to tell them this week. Whether its during church, youth group or even something on TV...to really listen for it.
The group went really well and I really liked the girls. What a fun age. I think they liked me...at least they laughed at my jokes so I don't think they think I'm a dork. I'm looking forward to getting to know them more.
Got to make the morning last
Wednesday, September 07, 2005"So how are you doing today?" Labels: deep thoughts
"Oh just fine. I'm keeping busy."
Keeping busy... This apparently is supposed to be a good thing. I just don't understand it. So many people rush around, cramming everything they can into their days. How many kids need huge calendars to keep track of all of obligations? Their parents are considered "good parents" because they keep their kids in so many activities. I don't see the appeal. So you're busy, so you're involved in a lot...where does that leave you? Tired, stressed, can't spend time with the people that are really important to you?
I have a friend who is always involved in numerous activities. All through grade school and high school she was a part of every club or group she could be. Away she went to college and joined so many groups that she was instantly stressed out. When I think back to college I think back to all the friends I made and fun things we did together; not the groups I was a part of! I savor the fact that we would go to Walmart at random times during the day or take walks whenever we wanted. My busy friend actually does not know what that is like. She came home for summer and honestly did not know how to STOP and just be. She finally got the hang of it and sang its praises but soon she was back at school and diving back into a billion activities.
Now I'm not saying that being a part of things is foolish. It's just wise to have a limit. I love that Josh and I get to hang out whenever we want because we're not involved in very much right now. We get to spend time with friends (when they're available!) and see our families.
I guess I'm enjoying this time in my life where I'm not busy and I hope that I don't get sucked into the whole "I have to be busy" thing. I don't think you need to be over-committed to look productive.
Simon and Garfunkel - The 59th Street Bridge Song
Slow down, you move too fast.
You got to make the morning last.
Just kicking down the cobble stones.
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy.
Hello lamppost,What cha knowing?
I've come to watch your flowers growing.
Ain't cha got no rhymes for me?
Doot-in' doo-doo,Feelin' groovy.
Got no deeds to do,No promises to keep.
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep.
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me.
Life, i love you,
All is groovy.
Emily Post's Etiquette
Monday, August 15, 2005Labels: deep thoughts
This weekend I read quite a bit in my Emily Post's Etiquette book. I absolutely love that book. For a year and a half I would go directly to the reference section at Borders to flip through this book while Josh camped out in the cds. Finally a month or so ago, I decided to buy it. It is such a great reference book. Now I am not one of those people that have to be prim and proper all the time but I do like good manners. I feel like having good manners makes other people comfortable. When you do something etiquettely incorrect and someone else feels uncomfortable...I hate that.
I truly believe that everyone should own this book. It covers everything on how to set the table, how to introduce people, dealing with rude people, even email etiquette. I think you show respect for others when having good manners.
"Courteous people enrich their own spirits by making other people feel good." -Emily Post
Be afraid, be very afraid
Monday, August 01, 2005I feel rather silly admitting this but I am afraid of squirrels. I know, it's ridiculous. In searching for this picture I kept shivering and finally just had to pick one because I couldn't even look at them any more. Labels: deep thoughts
In college I would walk to another sidewalk to avoid squirrels. They would walk (or do they scamper?) right up to people on campus. I was petrified that one would go psychotic and attack me. In my zoology course freshmen year, I had a professor that was a little . . . um, different. She talked a mile a minute and got REALLY excited about birds and bird calls. One day, randomly she started talking about squirrels and how cool it would be if humans had tails like them. I can remember her saying how we wouldn't need umbrellas because we could just use our tails and our pants would have holes for the tails to go through. I told you she was different! I had always thought her cookiness was humerous but after that conversation I couldn't stand her.
On our honeymoon Josh and I went to see Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. (Awesome movie, by the way.) We had seen an HBO First Look about it so I knew there were squirrels in the movie. It had actually made me kind of not want to see the movie. I was sitting on the edge of my seat during the movie eating my Wonka Bar that Josh bought me. Then suddenly it was the squirrel's part in the movie. I had remained optimistic that I wouldn't be affected because the rest of the movie was so great. I squirmed a little when the scene started but I was doing okay. And then the squirrels ATTACKED Veruca Salt. I jumped back into my seat and actually had to cover my eyes. I peeked through my fingers like a little kid during a scary part of a movie. It's rather embarrassing.
I was trying to figure out when I became scared of squirrels and I don't really remember it before college. So what happened that made me so afraid of them? The only thing of I can think of was something that happened my Senior year of high school. It was one of the first really warm days of spring and I was talking to a friend out in the hallway. Class was in session so it was just us in the hallway. The front and side doors were all propped open to let in the beautiful weather. Unfortunately they let in something else not so beautiful. I had sat down in the hallway and was leaning against the wall. Suddenly I could hear what sounded like an animal scurrying up the stairs in front of me. My friend and I both looked just in time to see a huge squirrel fly right towards me. It stopped about two feet in front of me, turned and headed for the closest classroom. Of course, soon there was screaming coming from the room so my friend and I were laughing. Not until later when I recounted the story did I realize that the whole thing kind of freaked me out.
So that is my weird phobia. I know it's bizarre. But seriously, don't you think they're a little creepy?
Cartwheels
Thursday, June 02, 2005Labels: about me, deep thoughts
Today I was sitting at my desk trying to concentrate on work and instead starting thinking about cartwheels. When I was younger I would do cartwheels everywhere. I never took dance classes or anything like that but I could do a mean one-handed cartwheel and of course there was the running round-off. All summer I would run around barefoot and every so often just do a random cartwheel. Life was so easy then. The biggest dilemna during the summer was what you were going to do that day.
Lately I can feel myself growing up. Soon to be 25 but I haven't yet felt like a "grownup". I think with all the money issues, wedding plans...I've realized my responsibilities. It's not a bad thing except that why can't I still do cartwheels and act like a kid sometimes?
Today I started thinking about marrying Josh and how exciting it all is. Not only do we get to have a big party to celebrate but we get to go on vacation together! It makes me feel so giddy. I may just have to do a couple cartwheels tonight.
Built-in God
Tuesday, May 10, 2005Tonight Josh and I dealt with the big bad. We finally came together and did something about a situation we should have long ago. It was not easy and there wasn't really a resolution but we both feel a lot better. It's hard dealing with difficult people and it's even harder when you have to say that they're wrong. But we stood our ground and really put it out there. I'm proud of us and we feel like we have closure on this tough situation. Not that it won't still be hard but things are much better. Thank you to anyone who has been praying. Labels: all you need is love, deep thoughts, family matters, wedding
Tonight Tony emailed me the words to the song he wrote for our wedding. Wow, definitely brought tears to my eyes. Okay, okay, it did more than that but I've had a VERY emotional day. It was perfect for us...basically our story. I can't wait to hear it with the guitar. My little bro is so talented. I'm so excited that he's going to be a part of that day.
I feel wide awake even though I should surely be asleep. All the lights are off in my apartment but here I am sitting on the couch typing on Josh's computer. This week has been so crazy. Yes, that's right, this week...I know, it's only Tuesday. I feel physically drained because of this cold thing and emotionally drained because of tonight and well...all the crying! But I also feel relief and uplifted. I feel like I don't have to let this huge thing bother me anymore. I actually had a huge sigh of relief.
Now there is less than two months to the wedding and we can concentrate on getting things together. Yesterday when I was really sick I still went with my mom to the lady that's doing her dress alterations. I had to get my dress bustled! So here I was standing in my wedding dress feeling like I was about to die or at least pass out, definitely not feeling like a bride... And surprisingly we figured out that there is a built-in bustle with my dress. No sewing needed. All this time I've been worried about what we'd do and it was right there.
Okay, this is a really weird analogy but I kind of feel like that's how God is like with me. I worry and worry about things but if I just took the time to really look at the situation, I would see that He has the solution already worked out. He's like my built-in bustle!
Obviously from my typing it's late but I just wanted to get this out. I hope that you can all find God built-in to your tough situations.
Only You
Thursday, May 05, 2005"If you go to your grave without painting your masterpiece, it will not get painted. Labels: deep thoughts
No one else can paint it.
Only you. "
-Gordon MacKenzie
Free your mind
Monday, April 18, 2005Josh and I did something on Saturday night that I never thought I would do. We went to a Gay Pride show at ISU. It's true...I still have the pink triangle and the word PRIDE stamped on my hand to prove it. Our friend Brian was among the people performing that night. It was an interesting evening to say the least. I think the biggest part that was hard for me was remembering that the performers weren't what they seemed. My brain was so confused looking at women while trying to remind myself they were men and vice versa. I still don't know how some of them did it. Seriously, mind boggling. Labels: deep thoughts, the one with friends
It was a good evening and a good experience for me. All of the money they raised went to a newly established fund for college students that come out to their families and get cut off finanacially. I can't even imagine what that would be like.
Unfortunately my picture of Josh giving Brian, oops I mean Charity, a tip turned out fuzzy. This is Charity and us after the show. The bottom picture is of the MC, Crystal Night...she was hilarious. VERY convincing.
Won't you be my neighbor?
Monday, April 11, 2005I've been reading the book "The World According to Mister Rogers" written by Fred Rogers off and on. I, like so many others, will always be able to picture him sitting on the bench in his house changing his shoes and putting on a sweater. Here are a couple quotes I really liked from the book so far. "The more I think about it, the more I wonder if God and neighbor are somehow One. 'Loving God, Loving neighbor'-the same thing? For me, coming to recognize that God loves every neighbor is the ultimate appreciation!" "The real issue in life is not how many blessings we have, but what we do with our blessings. Some people have many blessings and hoard them. Some have few and give everything away." Labels: deep thoughts
Don't forget to smile
Friday, April 01, 2005This morning I was thinking about unpleasant people. How many times do we instantly judge someone because they are a little unfriendly? You check out at Target and the cashier was less than nice, someone doesn't smile or say thanks when you hold the door for them, or a car stole your parking place... And we instantly dislike these people and think bad thoughts about them. But really, we don't know what they're dealing with in their lives. Maybe they're having a bad day because their mom is in the hospital or they just found out their job is being eliminated. Wouldn't you be a little "unpleasant"? Labels: deep thoughts
How many times are we rude to people and they're instantly judging us when maybe we were just having a bad day? I think it's important to give people the benefit of the doubt. Assume that if they're grumpy they're not always like that and try to be extra friendly. Who knows, you could be the first person to be nice and send a smile their way... Just maybe that will brighten their day and they will be friendlier to the next person.
"That is very naughty!"
Monday, March 07, 2005So have you seen this show on ABC called "Super Nanny" yet? There is an English woman named Jo who comes to the families homes who are in serious need of help. I looked up her bio on ABC because I assumed she was really a child psychologist who posed as a nanny but it says she was a nanny for 15 years. Labels: deep thoughts
Ever time I watch this show I'm blown away by how people can let their kids get so out of control. But you know, I bet it's actually really easy. I think the biggest thing with raising kids is CONSISTENCY! My mom has been telling me that since the first time I told her I wanted to be a mommy when I grow up. When you let them do what they want once, they know...and then they'll get away with it every time.
Tonight it's a two year old that is running the house. TWO YEARS OLD! Now I know that I won't be a perfect parent and Josh and I will have issues and problems but I think that we'll do our best. (Which I think will be pretty darn good...) I really do think that you have to be consistent with kids. If you say that 8 o'clock is bedtime (or eight-o-o, as Josh refers to it) then that's what it has to be.
Alright enough of my parenting ranting...I guess I can't really talk yet because well, I have no kids. Someday though...
Quote for the day
Tuesday, March 01, 2005"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." --Jerry Seinfeld Labels: deep thoughts
Interrupting Cow
Monday, February 28, 2005I think one of my biggest pet peeves is interrupting. ARGH, it makes me so angry. The person who interrupts is subconsciously telling you that what you're saying is not important. In the book "The Five Love Languages" that Josh and I are reading says that people on average only waits SEVENTEEN seconds before saying what they want to say. SEVENTEEN SECONDS! How can the other person possibly be done??? Labels: deep thoughts
I was in a situation recently where I could not get a single word in. Now anyone who knows me, knows that I'm not exactly what people would say quiet. And still...I was interrupted by the same person four times in a row!! You know, it's a little awkward when you repeat the same three words over and over. To make matters worse, it was by someone who I've only talked to a couple times. I would think that you'd have more courtesy for someone you didn't know? Right?
All I can say is that my kids will have good manners and be taught that interrupting is never good. They will be taught the value of being a good listener.
Do you ever have a conversation with someone who is a good listener and afterwards just think, "wow...that was such a relief". I think so many people are too much in a hurry to talk about themselves that they forget there is someone else in the conversation. I guess even though I'm not a quiet person, when I get interrupted by someone I usually get quiet. To me it's hurtful and somewhat disrespectful. Though if it's Josh that interrupts me I usually just say, "Um, hello?! Interrupting!?!?". Hmmm....maybe I should just start saying that to other people. They were rude to be by interrupting so I could be rude back, right?
I keep thinking about the joke that goes...
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c----
MOOOOO!
New Year's Eve & Being Old
Friday, December 31, 2004Labels: deep thoughts
I'm old. I would love to be here. This was Times Square in 2001...I wasn't there then either, I just got the picture off the Internet. But this year Josh and I are camping out on my couch and I'm okay with it. I'm just thankful that I have somebody. I look back at the year and all of my happy memories include him. This corndog eating, Apple/iPod lover, ripped jeans man is the love of my life. Who knew? I'm excited to start 2005 and to get closer to our wedding. With any luck, next December 31st we'll be at Times Square together.
